Sasori Of The Motherland
by RedSand
Summary: Another average day in Sasori and Kakuzu's little Russian shack, untill a certain blond shows up out of nowhere. Sasodei, KakuzuxfemHidan, yaoi, au.
1. Chapter 1

'**Shit, it's cold as hell out here un…' Deidara thought, wandering through the frozen wind.**

**He was barely dressed for wandering aimlessly through Siberia, not dressed any differently than his usual black t-shirt, boots, and baggy pants besides his thick trench coat, but it wasn't doing much good.**

'**Dammit…I can barely feel my fingers anymore un!'**

**Just when Deidara figured he would die alone and in a pile of snow somewhere in the middle of Russia, he looked forward to see a small cabin, with smoke coming from the chimney.**

"**THANK YOU UN!!" He screamed, dropping to his knees and raising his hands in the air.**

**He looked to make sure the cabin was still there, though his sight had gotten a little blurry. He dropped to the snow completely, staring at the cabin with his tear filled eyes.**

"**I was so close un!" He said, crying as he slowly drifted unconscious.**

**#**

"**Kakuzu, did you hear something?" Sasori asked, sitting at the table and playing solitaire.**

"**Nyet, you are going crazy my friend." The stitched man replied, poking at the fire.**

"**Fuck you, I'm going to go check it out." The redhead replied, lifting his feet off of the table and walking to the door. "Look for me if I'm not back soon, it looks like a very bad storm out there." He added, putting on his boots and fur coat and heading outside.**

**He faced the wind, scanning the horizon for anything that could've made the noise he heard. At first he figured a deer or something had died, and would be worth picking up for food and it's fur. He looked around a while eventually seeing something off in the short distance, though it dropped almost as soon as he looked, so he rushed off to get it. Despite the heavy snow Sasori made it to the figure quickly, finding it instead to be an unconscious person.**

"**My God…" He said, before quickly picking Deidara up bridal style and bringing him back to the cabin.**

"**Who is going crazy Kakuzu?" Sasori asked, carrying the blond inside and placing him near the fireplace. **

"**She's cute, we lucked out this time!" Kakuzu said, staring down at the blond and aggravating the redhead.**

"**Go get her a pillow you horny old fool, we should try and make her more comfortable."**

**Kakuzu nodded and went down the hallway while Sasori began stroking the blonde's hair.**

"**What were you doing out in that storm?"**

**Kakuzu walked back in with a pillow, tossing it to the redhead, who quickly slipped it under Deidara's head.**

"**Is she warming up?" Kakuzu asked, squatting down to look at the unconscious bomber.**

"**Not a lot, I think I will have to cuddle with her."**

"**What?! You cuddle with her??"**

"**Da, you have a problem?"**

"**Da, why you?!"**

"**Because I'm gay, so she won't mind."**

"**Fine, I don't need to find women unconscious in the snow to have sex. I'm going to go count money." He said, walking back down the hallway.**

**Sasori walked back to the doorway and took off his boots and coat, rushing back to the blond and removing his coat before cuddling with him and pulling Deidara's coat over them.**

"**You'll be alright honey, Sasori is going to take care of you."**

**The blonde's blue eyes slowly started to open, staring into the redhead's reddish-brown.**

"**AHHH!" Deidara screamed, jumping away from Sasori.**

"**No, it is ok, I was just trying to warm you…"**

"**Who…Who are you un?"**

"**I am Sasori Akasuna, I saved you," Sasori said, as Kakuzu ran into the room. "And this is Kakuzu Taki."**

"**Oh, well thanks un."**

"**Nyet, don't mention it, just doing my duty as a gentleman."**

**Deidara stared at Sasori with a mix of confusion and annoyance, the two Russians staring back.**

"**You know I'm a guy, right un?" **

**Kakuzu's eyes shot open in confusion, while Sasori batted an eyebrow to the blond and his new gender.**

"**You know, I found you passed out in the snow, perhaps you should stay with us until we know for sure you are ok." Sasori said, standing up and helping the blond up.**

"**Maybe, how far is it to the nearest town un?"**

"**Not too far." Kakuzu said, leaning against the wall, "But if this storm keeps up a doctor would take at least a day to arrive."**

**Deidara took a panicked look around, and turned to the two and nodded.**

"**Sure un, I need a place to crash anyway."**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sasori and Kakuzu continued to watch the blond sitting on his knees in front of their fire.**

"**How can he sit like that? And why was he walking around in that storm? He clearly must not be one of us." Kakuzu asked his redheaded friend.**

"**One of us, you mean he cannot be Russian? Of coarse he isn't, he is far too beautiful." Sasori replied.**

"**So what do you think he is, Kazakh? They always wander up here and get caught in storm." **

"**Nyet, the way he sits, and that noise he made while talking, I think he is Japanese."**

"**Japanese? Out here in Omsk? What for?" Kakuzu asked, confused about their guest's distant nationality.**

"**I don't know, but that noise, that 'un' sound, I am pretty sure that is Japanese for something, I just don't know what." Sasori said, placing his hand under his chin and focusing on the blond. "I think I should go talk to him."**

"**Ha, I always knew you had a thing for the blonds, ever since that guy back in our unit!" Kakuzu chuckled, leaving without listening to the redhead's come back.**

'**Fuck the geezer, so he is cute, I am still his host, I will go talk.' Sasori thought while slowly walking over.**

**He approached the blond, who didn't seem to notice him, and crouched down next to him.**

"**Konichiwa, am I right?" He asked, quickly catching the blonde's attention.**

"**H-How'd you know I was Japanese un?" **

"**I am good at that sort of thing, by the way, I never got your name."**

"**Deidara Iwa un, and thanks for saving me." Deidara said as Sasori scooted closer to him.**

"**Please, do not mention it. Forgive me for asking, but why do you look so…feminine?" Sasori asked, hoping not to piss the blond off.**

"**Oh, uh, I'm…gay…un…" Deidara said, looking away from the redhead to hide his blush.**

"**Deidara, this is not the Soviet Union, you can be gay, I am too." Sasori said shortly before watching the blond tense up.**

'**He's gay too un? And he's so hot…No! No Deidara, you know you can't, not until you're sure it's over un…'**

"**So what are you doing in Russia?"**

"**Oh, uh…it's a long story, let's just call it a big game of hide-and-seek un. So what's your story un? What're you and Kakuzu doing out here?" Deidara asked, the slightest bit of inappropriateness in the last sentence.**

"**Nothing like that, we only live together, basically we…" Sasori got before Kakuzu walked into the room with a rifle slung across his shoulder.**

"**Kakuzu! Nepravil'****no s vami****!" (Kakuzu! What is wrong with you!)**

"**Vintovka? Štorm končaetsâ, to kogda losi prihodât vne." (What, the rifle? The storm ended, that's when the moose come out.)**

**Sasori sighed, as Kakuzu continued staring at him with a "What, what's wrong?" look.**

"**Točno, idem, spravedlivo daem my bol****'še predupreždenie sleduûŝego vremeni****." (Fine, go, just give us more warning next time.)**

**Kakuzu chuckled his way out the door, leaving the blond and redhead alone once more.**

**The turned and faced the confused looking traveler, realizing what he had done.**

"**My apologies Deidara, and in a nutshell, that is what we do." Sasori said, pointing at the door.**

"**So you two are self-reliant un?"**

"**Nyet, nyet, neither of us know what to do with a dead animal after we've shot it, we take it into town and let the butcher take care of it." Sasori replied as the blond leaned against him.**

"**What town is that un?" Deidara asked, snuggling into his arm in an attempt to gather warmth.**

'**I cannot believe it, does he like me?' Sasori thought to himself.**

"**Ilyoch, it is a fairly small town, Kakuzu and I shall go when the storm ends and it is safe. During winter we hunt for them."**

"**That sounds good un…I'm sleepy…" Deidara said before drifting off into the redhead's arm.**

**Sasori sighed before putting his arm around the blonde's side.**

"**Something tells me that I am going to enjoy your company, Deidara."**

**####**

**a/n – Ok, explanation time. First off, I'll explain where Sasori and Kakuzu live. Omsk oblast is a province in southern Siberia, bordering Kazakhstan. Secondly, I did my best with the Russian, but it probably still sucks. Lastly, Ilyoch isn't a real city (to the best of my knowledge) so don't try looking for it (like you would.)**


	3. Chapter 3

"**I am back!" Kakuzu yelled, walking into the shack he shared with Sasori.**

"**Quiet you idiot, he is sleeping!" Sasori whispered in an angry tone.**

"**Calm down tovarich, you should be separating, I managed to get something." Kakuzu happily said.**

"**Really? What?" **

"**Moose, big one too, it should fetch us a good 6,000 rubles!" Kakuzu said, his voice going a little creepy when he talked about the money.**

"**So we will be going into town to deliver it?" Sasori asked with a bit of anticipation.**

"**Eager to show off your new boyfriend to everyone?"**

"**You are a jackass Kakuzu, go put the gun back, I will get Deidara ready." Sasori replied, nudging the blond as Kakuzu walked back.**

"**Sasori no danna…? What's up un?" Deidara yawned, using the redhead's help getting up.**

"**Sasori no danna? My Japanese is a tad rusty, but did you just call me your husband?" Sasori asked as they walked down the hallway.**

"**Very good danna, but it also means master, that's the sense I was getting at un." Deidara replied as the entered he redhead's room.**

'**Not as good, but it still means something.' Sasori thought while opening up his closet.**

"**What're you doing danna un?" Deidara asked as he walked behind him.**

"**Kakuzu shot something, we have to go into town, I have to make you look more Russian." Sasori said, pulling out a black shirt with an AK-47 and a red ski cap with a yellow hammer and sickle.**

"**Put these on, you will blend in pretty good." Sasori said before tossing the blond the clothes. **

**Deidara nodded, not wasting time and tossing off his shirt in front of the redhead, exciting him for a short time before the new shirt was put on followed be the hat. Sasori tossed on his coat as he and Deidara walked back to the main room. Deidara grabbed his trench coat and slid it on as he and Sasori left for their means of transportation.**

"**You drive a pickup un?" Deidara asked, staring at the truck with the dead moose in the bed.**

"**We are Russian hunters, what were you expecting?" Sasori said, leading the blond inside the truck.**

"**Prinjal vashe vremja, pochemu budet belokurymi nosjashh vashi rubashku i shlem?" (Took your time, why is the blond wearing your shirt and hat?)**

"**Ja hochu ego smeshat' v." (I want him to blend in.)**

**Kakuzu threw the truck in gear, slowly pulling out of the snow covered driveway. He was careful to drive down the snow covered dirt road. The road was clear once they made it into town.**

"**If I were you Deidara, I would let us do the talking, we know these guys, so just be quiet and enjoy the company." Kakuzu said as they arrived at the butcher's shop.**

"**Ignore his rudeness Deidara, but in a way he is right, please wait here while Kakuzu and I take care of this." Sasori said, climbing out with Kakuzu. **

**Deidara watched as his Russian hosts got out, followed by a man in an apron exiting the butcher's shop. They seemed to just shout at each other for five minutes before the butcher walked back inside, Sasori and Kakuzu going back to the truck.**

"**We managed to get 7,000 rubles for that thing, time to be celebrating!" Sasori told the blond.**

"**That's great un, where are we going?" Deidara happily asked.**

"**There is a bar across the street, we have to walk while the butcher gets the moose out of the truck." Sasori replied, opening the Japanese man's door and helping him out. "I am sorry, but for your own safety please try not to talk, a gay Japanese man in bar full of angry drunken Russians would not work out well, just try to follow along and blend in."**

**Deidara nodded as the three crossed the street and entered the bar. Everyone who was conscious stared at them a second before shouting "privyet comrades!" **

"**Privyet." Kakuzu and Sasori said back, walking to the bar with the blond following close behind.**

"**Yuri, four, one for the colonel." Kakuzu said, the bartender nodding and pouring four glasses of vodka.**

**He handed three glasses to the hunters and their guest, then carrying the last glass to a man sitting farther down the bar. He was a weird looking guy, black on one half and white on the other. He was wearing a military uniform as well.**

**He grabbed the glass out of the bartender's hand, chugging it down then shuttering.**

"**Who's that un?" Deidara whispered to the redhead, who was currently nursing his drink.**

"**Colonel Zetsu, our old military commander."**

**Before Deidara could ask him any more questions Kakuzu interrupted them.**

"**Sasori, did you see her?" He asked, confusing the two.**

"**See who?"**

"**I do not know, but there is woman at the other side of the bar, the most beautiful woman, I must go talk to her!" He said before getting up.**

"**Anyway un, why didn't you tell me you were in the military?" Deidara asked, this time Sasori cut of by a new distraction.**

**It was Yuri turning up the news, trying to listen to their report.**

"…_**On a darker note, Japanese terrorist bomber Deidara Iwa eluded authorities on his private plane before crashing somewhere in Omsk oblast, his current status and location unknown."**_

**Deidara froze. He couldn't believe it, he'd been caught, in front of his cute host, in a room full of drunk Russians, it was over.**

"**I think we should be leaving now tovarich." Sasori said in a serious tone, he and the blond getting up and leaving.**


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING! Contains fem Hidan, as will the rest of the story.**

**####**

**Kakuzu left the blond and redhead, walking down the bar and reaching the empty seat next to the woman.**

"**Privyet, would you mind if I sit here?" He asked as she looked up at him.**

"**Reasonably free country, why the fuck not." She replied, Kakuzu not wasting time and sitting down.**

**She went right back to drinking, Kakuzu ordering a drink as he watched her. She turned and faced him as he was given his drink, with a very annoyed face on.**

"**Something interesting? I know I am not exactly the most beautiful fucking woman here." She asked, Kakuzu replying with a smirk.**

"**Ne bud****'te skromno, vy bud'te neimovernyj smotret'****." (Don't be modest, you're incredible looking.)**

**She turned away to hide her blush, staring at her drink as Kakuzu propped himself on his elbow on the bar.**

"**So, what is your name?" He asked as the silver haired woman looked up at him.**

"**Hidan, and yours?"**

"**Kakuzu." He said, leaning back on his stool as she looked back at her drink.**

**He could suddenly hear the TV get turned up, but didn't bother paying attention to whatever it was. He was having a good enough time just sitting and watching the shorter woman. He looked over again to see Sasori and Deidara leave, something that confused him until Hidan spoke up.**

"**Moe mesto ili tvoe?" (My place or yours?)**

**Kakuzu smirked, looking over at Hidan. She had an even bigger blush on, glaring in the opposite direction. He had just watched Sasori and Deidara leave, which meant he couldn't go back to his shack.**

"**Tvoe, my pojdem?" (Yours, shall we go?)**

**Hidan cracked a smile and grabbed him by the arm as they got up to leave.**

**####**

**The two walked up to Hidan's apartment, giggling uncontrollably as the smaller woman struggled to unlock the door, soon enough getting the door open. They both fell in, Kakuzu landing on top of Hidan. The silver haired woman quickly flipped them over so she was on top, giggling as she leaned over.**

"**So? What did you want to do with me?" She asked, leaning in and kissing him.**

"**That is a little obvious, isn't it?" He replied before suddenly being slapped.**

"**You fucking pig! You just met me you bastard!" She yelled before leaning in and kissing him again.**

'**What the hell is her problem?' He thought before being slapped again.**

"**You can't just meet a woman like me and fuck them! You have to take me out first, I'll see you on Friday." She said before leaning in to kiss him again before climbing off and shooing him out.**

**He wondered out of the building and back to the bar, noticing his truck wasn't there, meaning Sasori and the blond had left him.**

"**Ahh, synok suki!" (Ahh, son of a bitch!)**

**####**

**Deidara sat on the edge of Sasori's bed, waiting for the redhead to kick him out or worse, since he was in the military, and the Russian military at that.**

**Said Russian walked in, scaring Deidara out of his wits, so much that he fell over on his back onto the bed.**

"**And when did you plan on telling me?" The redhead asked, standing in the doorway.**

"**I…I don't know un, I was hoping you wouldn't have to learn…that I could stay here in peace with you un…" he muttered as Sasori approached.**

"**So you thought you would just use me as your personnel hiding place, and what if they found you, what of Kakuzu and me?" He asked, still slowly approaching until he reached the end of the bed.**

"**Please…Sasori no danna…let me explain myself un…!" He said, slowly backing up until he reached the edge of the bed.**

"**There is time for that later." Sasori calmly said while climbing onto the bed and Deidara.**

**He stared at the still shocked blond a moment before latching his mouth onto his, using the kiss to put him at ease. Deidara quickly wrapped his arms around the Russian and began kissing back, even opening his mouth to allow him access he hadn't even asked for yet.**

'**On poln strastnogo želaniâ...' (He's eager…)**

**Sasori slowly pushed his tongue into Deidara's mouth, rubbing it against the blonde's and sending it around to explore it's new crevice filled environment. **

"…**Sasori no danna un…" Deidara moaned as Sasori pulled off.**

"**What, this is what you want, right?" He asked, the blond under him nodding. "Good."**

**He quickly grabbed the blonde's shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it aside and latching onto his nipple. The blond let out a soft moan, trying not to arch his back and push his master off. Luckily (to some extent) Sasori quickly pulled off and stuck his hand down the bomber's pants. He grabbed Deidara's already half hard member and began stroking it, getting him near his point before pulling his hand back out. Deidara let out a small pained grunt before the redhead quickly ripped off his pants and boxers.**

"**Danna un…why'd you stop…?" The blond groaned as Sasori went back to hovering over him.**

"**I thought you'd prefer my mouth to my hand, and I am right, da?" He asked, the blond immediately nodding.**

**Sasori smirked and slid down the blonde's slender figure, soon reaching the hardened appendage and licking the head. He quickly went from lucking to sucking, lapping up the pre-come and dancing his tongue around it, trying to find release for the blond.**

**And he soon succeeded as the blond viciously orgasmed into his mouth. He slowly licked around the organ, licking up the rest of the come before pulling off.**

"**You are delicious." He whispered, slowly tailing his hand up the bomber's chest, eventually sticking three of his fingers in his face and ordering him to suck.**

**Deidara gracefully took the digits into his mouth, slowly sucking and licking them, making Sasori wonder what other things that able mouth could do. After some time Sasori pulled his fingers out and slowly lowered them to his entrance.**

"**If you do not mind me asking…" Sasori said while slowly poking the tip of his middle finger in, "How many others have had you?"**

"**I…only slept with one other guy…but only twice un…" He grunted as the finger slid all the way in.**

**Sasori leaned in to be face to face with his uke, poking in the second finger and smirking.**

"**I will make you forget he ever existed."**

**The Russian slowly began scissoring the blonde's opening, forcing a pained grunt or two from him before pulling all of his fingers out. He undid his own pants and slowly pushed his unit into Deidara, earning a small yelp from him. He slowly began thrusting into him, letting the blonde's nackt legs wrap around his waist. His slow thrusts continued until his cock rubbed against Deidara's prostate, forcing a loud moan out of him.**

**Sasori smirked at his handiwork, thrusting harder into the same spot and forcing the blond to scream his name.**

'**Horošo, on lûbit èto.' (Good, he's loving this.)**

**He continued thrusting, gaining speed so the moans would become more frequent. He looked down at his new blond, grabbing him by the shoulders and lifting him up so they were face to face.**

"**Danna un… I can't last much longer…!" Deidara moaned, gripping to his seme's back.**

"**Da…Me too…!" Sasori groaned back right before shooting himself into Deidara.**

**The blond came only a moment later, both of them collapsing onto the bed, seme on top of uke.**

"**Deidara…I forgive you…" Sasori said, pulling the blond over to him and allowing him to cuddle into him.**

"**Thanks danna un…now can I explain?" Deidara asked, Sasori slowly nodding.**


	5. Chapter 5

"**Are you ready to explain tovarish?" Sasori asked, stroking Deidara's beautiful blond hair as they lay naked together.  
**

"**Well danna, they were mostly wrong when they called me a terrorist un, I'm more of a mercenary really. People pay me to blow stuff up for them, and it was going pretty nicely until the police caught up with me. I got in my private plane and was headed for Moscow, but one of the engines broke and we crashed. I got out without any real injuries and walked my way into your life, and you know how it went from there un." The Japanese man replied while Sasori nuzzled into his neck.**

**  
"A tragic story, but you do not need to worry any more, your danna will protect you." Sasori said before meeting the blond in a short kiss.  
**

"**Does this mean I'm your boyfriend un?" Deidara asked, Sasori rolling on top of him and starting a more passionate kiss as a response. Deidara immediately started kissing back, gripping the back of his head and trying to grab his arm before realizing something was wrong. His arm didn't feel right, it felt hard and cold, like it wasn't real.**

**  
"Something wrong tovarish?" Sasori asked, catching his blonde's confusion.**

**  
"Sasori no danna…what's wrong with your arm un?" He asked, the Russian lifting his fully moveable prosthetic arm.**

**  
"This old thing, this is…a story best saved for another time my Dei." Sasori replied, the two restarting their kiss. "It doesn't bother you, does it?"**

**  
"Nothing about you could bother me danna." Deidara answered, both of them giggling as they laid in bed together.**

**  
####**

**  
"Tupoumnaâ šal****'naâ devuška…, kotor â hoču uvidet' ee odnako, hmm****…" (Stupid crazy girl...I do want to see her though, hmm…)**

**  
Kakuzu was walking home through the snow that had been accumulating, pissed at his friend, Hidan seeming to be the only pleasant(?) thought on his mind. He trudged on, luckily reaching his perfect little shack in no time and walking in.**

**  
"Sasori! It is me remember, your best friend Kakuzu? The guy you left behind?!" He shouted walking through the house, finding the two men cuddling together in the redhead's bed.**

**  
"Bog oh, čto počemu vy ostavili â?!" (Oh god, is that why you left me?!)**

**  
"Utihomirite vniz s starogo čeloveka, â real****'no ne imel nikakoe namerie d****elat****' èto kogda **_**vy**_** vyšli, ego kak raz slučil****. (Calm down old man, I really had no intention of doing this when **_**you**_** left, it just happened.)**

**  
Deidara stared confusedly at the arguing Russians before Kakuzu let out a loud grunt and left.**

**  
"Is he mad at me un?" Deidara asked, Sasori holding him around the waist and nuzzling back into his neck.**

**  
"Nyet, he is just mad he could not get laid and I could, but forget him. So how about we go do something soon, as a couple this time?" Sasori asked, the blond happily grabbing onto his back.**

**  
"I'd f-ing love that un!" The bomber squealed, hugging his danna. "Can we go now un? We just need to shower and get dressed."**

**  
"And what did you have in mind my beautiful czarovich?" Sasori asked, rolling on his back and letting the blond cuddle into his side.**

**  
"Well danna, we could go for dinner or something, and I mean a nice dinner, that way we could learn a little bit about each other, you know un?" Deidara asked, Sasori smiling and sitting up.**

**  
"Sure, and we could save time by showering together tovarish." Sasori said, Deidara smirking as they both got up and headed for the bathroom.**

**  
####**

**  
"God, he is just gonna leave me and fuck the blond? It is like being back in the army…" Kakuzu muttered to himself while sitting in his room.**

**  
He thought of the old days, he and Sasori a couple of happy-go-lucky sixteen year olds fighting in the red army, up until the day that ended both of their's, Zetsu's, and many other's careers…**

**  
####**

**  
"S-Sasori no danna un…" Deidara moaned as the puppet sucked him. He leaned his head back and grabbed the back of his danna's head, letting the shower water run down his body. "Danna…coming…un!!!"**

**  
Deidara exploded into the redhead's mouth, Sasori getting off of his knees and holding his uke around the waist.**

**  
"I love you tovarish." Sasori said as Deidara gripped him around the waist as well.**

**  
"I love you too, Sasori no danna." Deidara replied before they met in a long, passionate kiss.**

**  
####**

**  
a/n – yeah, it's been a while, but I've finally stopped typing for Deviantart (temporarily da fans) and decided to take care of you again. **


	6. Chapter 6

"**So where are we going un?" Deidara asked, pulling his shirt on and walking to the redhead.**

"**I know a nice little place that I think you would enjoy, Can it be a surprise?" Sasori asked, Deidara cuddling into his side and smiling.**

"**Of coarse danna, I don't mind un." Deidara said before backing away from his ex-military seme. Sasori wrapped his arm around the bomber's waist and led him out and back to his truck, both of them climbing in and taking off back towards Ilyoch. About halfway into town they parked outside of a small restaurant called Sakhalin, Got out and walked inside, Sasori being greeting with numerous "privyet comrade!" **

**Deidara took a quick look around the place, noticing a lot of old-style Russian decorational stuff. There was a bar against the wall and a few scattered tables throughout, the hole place being dimly lit by a few flickering lights.**

"**What is this place danna?" Deidara asked as they walked over to a table and sat down, a waitress walking over and handing them menus. **

"**It is a shashlik restaurant, it is a kind of chicken." Sasori replied. raising two fingers to the waitress. "I dwa čaâ ugoždaût." (And two teas please.)**

**She nodded and walked away, leaving the two men alone.**

"**So you were in the army un?" Deidara asked, Sasori sighing and leaning back.**

"**Da tovarish, but I do not like talking about it…My arm, All of Kakuzu's scars, Zetsu's sanity, we all lost something. I am willing to tell the story, but it is long and sad, so are you willing to listen?" Sasori asked as the waitress came back. She handed them each a plate with two pieces of white meat chicken skewered through a stick and two glasses of tea.**

"**Danna, I wanna know everything about you, I wanna love you more than anyone, so yes, I'll listen to your story." Deidara replied, sipping his tea as his seme sat back up.**

**####**

**Yes, incredibly short, but the next few chapters are gonna be in flashback form and I didn't wanna start them here.**


	7. Chapter 7

"**It was back in the war, about fourteen years ago. Kakuzu and I were both in the army, as were most teenagers at the time since the CCCP collapsed. In fact, we were only sixteen at the time." Sasori said before biting off a piece of his chicken.**

"**Wait a second un, doesn't that make you…thirty?" Deidara asked and Sasori chuckling in response. **

"**Da tovarish, now back to the story. At the time anyone who looked old enough to kill and had all of his limbs was allowed to jump right into combat, and since we were already hunters at the time we did all right…"**

**####**

"**I just do not see why we do not let the fucking Bosnians handle it themselves, da?" The dark haired teen asked.**

"**Because we can't just have fighting so fucking close you idiot, if it spills into Russia then we are fucked!" Sasori replied, their commander turning to them and frowning.**

"_**Kakuzu, Sasori, shut your fucking mouths!" **_**His black half yelled as he pulled his 47 over his shoulder. The two teens immediately did shut up and follow his action, shouldering their weapons as two figures approached. One was a woman with blue hair and a dragonuv sniper rifle under her arm. The other was a somewhat blue man, the same age as Sasori and Kakuzu with the same weapon.**

"**Konan, Kisame, good news today, da?" Zetsu's white side said as the woman approached him.**

"**Their's a unit of Bosnians in a nearby village with a captured tank tovarish, we're going to go destroy it." She replied, Zetsu nodding and walking off. Konan followed close behind and the other three followed sluggishly behind her.**

"**So what did I miss?" Kisame asked as the walked through the snow.**

"**Nothing, Sasori actually thinks we should be here, to protect Russia." Kakuzu said, he and Kisame giggling and pissing the redhead off.**

"**Ahh, fuck both of you." Sasori replied, before the little caravan stopped.**

"**There." Zetsu whispered, as they all gathered around him to view the small village. There was a huge warehouse near the center with a few guards around it, obviously where the tank was. **_**"Now get in formation!"**_

**Konan ran over to a large rock and ducked behind, signaling Zetsu to move his troops forward. He and his teenagers crouched and walked towards the village, making sure to find adequate cover before the two-toned captain looked at the village. Not many soldiers could be seen other than the guards, meaning Konan and he would have no problem, especially with the others. He gave the woman a quick signal and she raised her gun, firing a quick round and taking a guard out. The other few raised their guns and charged towards them, Zetsu giving them another signal and they jumped out and quickly fired.  
****They ripped through the men and charged into the town, civilians running as the ran to the warehouse. The four leaned against the wall a chaos ensued, Konan approaching and crouching in the bushes.**

"**Now, we have to secure that tank, but should the worst happen do not hesitate to destroy it." Zetsu said as they jolted to the other side. They walked in and took out the few guards there. Kisame walked up to the tank closely followed by the redhead and his friend, though what was about to happen would change their lives forever.**

"**Die Russki bastards!" A Bosnian shouted, popping out of the tank with a grenade in either hand. **

"_**Shit!!!" **_**Black Zetsu yelled, the four charging out. Soon an incredible explosion went off, the entire warehouse going up and sending a barrage of shrapnel at them. Zetsu and Kisame, who were ahead, managed to escape, but Sasori and Kakuzu weren't so lucky.**

"**AHH FUCK!!!" Sasori cried as a piece of the tank flew through his arm, lobbing it off in a messy wound that showered everything nearby in his blood. When no sound came from his best friend he frantically searched for him, his stump bleeding heavily as he dug through the debris. **

"**Sasori!" Kisame called running over with Zetsu. "Where's Ka-"**

"**AHHH!!!!" rang out as two men wearing ski masks armed with AK-47s charged out of a building with a barrage of fire. The blue teen was hit and fell over with a huge gush of blood spurting from him. Sasori looked over a second, noticing that his friend was dead, and his captain was also injured.  
****But Konan could deal with that.  
****He continued digging for Kakuzu, eventually uncovering his badly cut up face. He finished pulling him out and carried him over to the dead Kisame and wounded captain before dropping to his knees.**

"**We were…so close…" He muttered before falling to the ground. **

**####**

**a/n - Alright, part one of Sasori's story. Once again, I apologize for being neglectful to you, but my dA got suspended and I've been in a pissy mood.**


	8. Chapter 8

**When Sasori awoke it certainly didn't seem like some shitty little Bosnian village. He looked around and noticed he was in bed, with two or three nurses around him and numerous iv's and wires in him as well.**

"**Doctor, Doctor, comrade Akasuna is awaking!" A blond nurse yelled, a man in a white coat then approaching.**

"**Comrade Akasuna, are you awake? Are you ok to talk?" He asked, flashing a little light in each of his eyes.**

"…**Kakuzu…?" He whispered, the doctor smiling in response.**

"**Comrade Taki is fine, He needed a lot of stitches but he's already awake."**

"…**And what of Kisame, and Captain Zetsu…?" Sasori asked, a small smile forming on his lips. At least until the doctor's disappeared. **

"**I am afraid Comrade Hoshigaki was gone before he hit the snow, but Comrade Kusa only suffered a small head injury." The doctor said.**

"…**Who brought us here…?" He asked, The doctor once again perking up somewhat.**

"**A blue haired woman, she didn't say her name and left soon after." He said, Sasori looking to the other side. "now if that is all, I have to look after Comrade Kusa."**

**Sasori took a glance across the room, watching the happy little nurses scurry around from room to room and the little patients limped from one side to the other. From the pa system to the nurses to his various machines an annoying mixture of sounds filled the air. He looked down at his bandaged stub, with a scowl, but figured that he came out pretty ok.**

"**Privyet tovarish!" A voice called, Sasori looking over at his newly stitched up friend. Kakuzu was covered in stitches, the black marks all around his arms and two lines of them coming from his mouth. He was sitting in a wheelchair, giving Sasori something to giggle about.**

"**Heh, look at this, Kakuzu's become a gimp now hasn't he?" He laughed, Kakuzu joining him.**

"**Just temporary idiot, not like your arm." The black haired teen laughed, annoying his friend.**

"**Ahh fuck off. At least we are still alive. So did you see Captain Zetsu?" He asked as Kakuzu wheeled himself over.**

"**No, I think he got shot in the head, probably going to end up living in a bar or something. So who saved us?" He asked, Sasori sitting up and placing his arm behind his head.**

"**I think it was Konan, but she probably left to report." Sasori responded.**

**####**

"**And that pretty much explains it tovarish." Sasori said, finishing his chicken as his blond stared at him in amazement.**

"**Danna un that's…that's…that's awesome! The whole warehouse went up with just two grenades un?! That tank must've been packed with explosives un!!" He exclaimed, Sasori (and just about everyone else) staring at him in response. Once he realized he was squealing and bouncing around like a schoolgirl he slowly calmed down, cleared his throat, and quietly finished eating. "So what ever happened to Konan un?"**

"**No one really knows, she never reported back to headquarters, we all assume she just kind of left." The redhead replied, before they got up and left.**

"**So what happened to Zetsu un?" Deidara asked as they approached the redhead's truck**

"**The bullet wound in his head gave him brain damage, and he became schizophrenic. He was promoted first though, so some good came of this." Sasori replied as they walked out to Sasori's truck and climbed in, Deidara leaning against his master as they drove home. **

"**I love you danna, and I'm really starting to like life in Russia un." The blond said as Sasori put an arm around his shoulder.**

"**I love you too tovarish, but I have a question. Why were you going to Moscow?" He asked, the blond tensing up.**

"**Well…I'll tell you some other time danna un, when I'm telling my story." Deidara replied, Sasori pulling the truck to the side of the road.**

"**Then let's hear your story, probably more interesting than mine." The Russian asked, Deidara still leaning against him.**

"**Alright un, but it's just as long and pretty boring, so if you're too sleepy to drive afterwards then it isn't my fault." Deidara joked, Sasori smiling and pulling the bomber onto his lap.**

"**There is only one thing you can do to tire me tovarish." Sasori joked back before the two shared a quick kiss.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Deidara's life was going great. He's hot, gay, and livin' life to the fullest in Tokyo. He had a huge apartment, made great money, just got himself a hot boyfriend, and to top it all off he was getting paid for doin' what he loves:  
****Blowin' stuff up. Yep, the little blonde's life was going great, until one night, with his new boyfriend, in his great home, it all went straight to shit…**

**"Itachi-san! I'm home un!" He shouted, walking in and kicking off his shoes. The man with the black ponytail came out from the hallway shirtless, walking over to the blond and grabbing him around the waist.**

**"Good." He breathed before latching his mouth onto the bomber's. Deidara was into it at first, but when his seme showed no signs of breaking it off he got a little irritated. The raven pushed his tongue into his mouth and began probing around, this pushing the blond overboard. **

**"Hmm…No! Stop it un!" He scolded after pushing the weasel off of him. Itachi just pressed back against him, this time going for his neck. ****This was nothing like the night before, where Itachi was gentle and caring. He even let him ride him, since it was his first time, to give him control.  
****"Ahh…No un…Please stop…" He moaned while the bigger man kissed and sucked the sensitive skin on the nape of his neck. His response was biting into him hard enough to draw blood, forcing a loud shriek from the blond.**

**"Last night I took you from a boy to a man. That's the only reason I was gentle. Tonight you're a man, so I'm going to treat you like one." He said, Deidara realizing what was happening. He knew he couldn't stop Itachi from having his way with him by force, but he had an idea or two on how to get out of this situation.**

**"A-Alright Itachi-san, but do you really wanna take me here? I've got a few toys back in the bedroom you could use, but only if you want un." Deidara said, handing control over to Itachi, something he knew would get him his way.**

**"…Well, alright, but bring them out here, I don't feel like fucking on anything soft, this nice hard floor seems better to me." Itachi replied, Deidara nodding and rushing to his bedroom.**

**He opened his closet and went strait for a box on the floor labeled "Deidei's toys."  
****And it was true, they were his toys.**

**"Now which to use un…Maybe an incendiary? No, then the whole place'll go up. White phosphorous? No, that'll eat through the floor un…Maybe a good old fashion frag grenade? Nah, then all of my stuff gets blown up too un…" He whispered to himself, going through the box of explosives until one at the bottom peaked his interest. "That's perfect un…"**

**He slipped the bomb into his pocket and walked over to his nightstand, rifling his way through it until he found his Lugar. He twisted on the silencer and put in a fresh clip before slipping it into his pants and walking out. He approached the doorway and leaned against it in a seductive pose, making sure to still keep his gun hidden.**

**"Alright un, you ready?" He asked, Itachi smirking and nodding while leaning back into the chair he was in. "Good, then close your eyes and don't open them till I say un."**

**Once the Uchiha followed the order Deidara pulled the bomb out and pulled out the pin, making sure to hold in the handle before ducking into the other room and tossing it at his would-be rapist.**

**"Ok un!!" He shouted, Itachi opening his eyes just in time for the bomb to go off. A huge flash of white filled the room and left the raven temporarily blinded.**

**"Hey, what the fuck?!?!" He shouted as he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his knee. He fell out of the chair as his vision slowly came back, as did the sight of his blond victim standing above him holding a gun.**

**"See? Aren't these toys fun un?" He asked before he broke out in an insane laugh, still pointing the gun at the weasel. **

**"You…You're crazy!" Itachi yelled before quickly limping out, Deidara's laughter still going strong. "I'm gonna get you back, bitch!" He shouted before leaving.**

**"Un! Sure you will!" Deidara replied before going back to his bedroom. It'd been a long day, he was ready for a nap.**


	10. Chapter 10

"**Mmm…bang…mmm…un…" Deidara mumbled happily in his sleep. He had every right to be happy, he taught his fucker of an ex not to try and rape him, lost his virginity so no one could make fun of him, and he was still hot, gay, and livin' life to the fullest in Tokyo.  
****Well, maybe not that last one. Not anymore.  
****A loud knock came at the door, loud enough to wake the blond up and get him out of bed.**

"**Deidara no Iwa, you are under arrest for terrorism! Come out with your hands on your head, and if you try anything we will not hesitate to shoot!" A voice shouted, as rustling and guns cocking could be heard outside.**

**Deidara frantically jumped out of bed and grabbed his Lugar from the nightstand before heading for his closet. He grabbed his "toys" and went back into the bedroom, getting his cell as the police continued knocking, almost ready to knock the door down. In fact, if it weren't for the special locks he had on it they'd be through already. **

"**Hello?…Kusabi-san, get the plane ready un, we're going to Moscow!…Don't ask questions un! Just go!" He told his pilot, ready to fight off the first wave of cops and leave. He was always prepared for this day, though he always hoped someone else would be there with him to help. He got up and pushed the sofa in his room to block the doorway, getting out a couple of grenades ready before the police finally broke in. Of course, those locks were special for more than one reason. As soon as the door flew open a small explosion went off, injuring and possibly killing a few of the officers.  
**"**Fuck all y'all, mother fuckers!!" The blond shouted before tossing two grenades at them, most of them clearing the room before the explosions erupted. He fired off a quick few shots with his pistol, but knew he was no match for the guns the cops had. He tossed out an incendiary grenade to stall before running back to his closet, ready to pull out the big guns. He grabbed his PKM and ran back over, setting it up and firing off a few rounds at the cops and taking out a few. Coupled with the spreading fire and machine gun rounds being tossed at them the police were starting to flee, giving Deidara his chance to escape. He put as many explosives as he could on his belt and shouldered his gun before crawling out the fire escape and to his car.  
****He sped off as fast as he could to a small nearby airport, parking on the curb and running in. Kusabi was waiting for him with his small plane, both of them quickly piling in. Kusabi started the plane and they took off before the cops arrived, heading north for Russia.**

"**Fuck…that was a close one un, but now we're safe, what could go wrong un?!" Deidara laughed, Kusabi joining him as they soared over Tokyo.**

**####**

"**And that's it un, I've got no idea why the plane crashed, but Kusabi was killed, and I made it out alright…" Deidara said while sitting in his master's lap.**

"**Is that what you call boring tovarish? Explosions and plane crashes and gun fights? Sounds more like some cheap action movie really. But clearly more interesting than mine." Sasori replied, Deidara smiling and nuzzling into his neck.**

"**Thanks danna un. But seriously, yours was way better, one gigantic explosion beats the hell out of a bunch of tiny ones." Deidara replied, Sasori smiling and cupping the blonde's chin so their eyes met.**

"**But one thing your story lacked is why you came to Russia in the first place." He said before moving in and kissing the blonde's neck.**

"**Uhh…I've got a friend living there un…I was hoping to meet up with him but…I'd much rather be here with you un…" He moaned as Sasori nibbled on the sensitive flesh.**

"**Oh, I would not want to keep my sexy czarovich away from his friends, I could get you to Moscow if you wanted." Sasori replied before putting his hand down the blonde's pants.**

"**Ahh…danna un…that'd be cool un…could you really?…" He moaned as the redhead played with his length. Sasori nodded while licking the red mark he made on his neck. He undid the blonde's pants before moving his face up to Deidara's, the two sharing a passionate kiss as Sasori jerked his length. He made sure to get his index-finger wet in the bomber's pre-come before slipping it behind him and slowly inside.**

"**Gahh! Danna? Here? In the truck un?" He gasped as Sasori fingered him.**

"**What? I would not dare build up all of this sexual tension and take you home. Besides, I've always wanted to have sex in here." The Russian replied before taking out his cock. He pulled his finger out of his lover and grabbed him by the waist before lifting him onto his length. Deidara let out another long gasp as Sasori began thrusting, but since he already knew where his spot was it didn't take long for the gasping to turn into moaning.**

"**Ahh! Danna un!!" Deidara moaned as he thrust against his seme, the two's timing soon becoming perfectly rhythmic, Sasori grabbing onto his length and pumping it with the same perfection. They moaned each other's names at each other a few times before coming together. Deidara's head fell to Sasori's shoulder as they panted and grabbed onto each other. Once Deidara had caught his breath they met in a quick but loving kiss, followed by a small period of just staring.**

"**You know, you lied to me." Sasori said, unnerving Deidara a little.**

"**What are you talking about un?" He asked, Sasori smiling and wrapping his arms around the blonde's back.**

"**You said that one had had you twice, but before me you've only been fucked once. Did you think I would not approve?" He asked, Deidara sighing and leaning against him. **

"**I…was a little embarrassed un, I didn't want you to know I'd only lost my virginity a couple days earlier." He replied before crawling off of Sasori and into the seat next to him. "Now lets go home un, I'm sleepy."**

**Sasori giggled and drove off towards their little shack, ready for a nice quiet evening with his lover.**


	11. Chapter 11

"**Kakuzu! My doma!" (Kakuzu! We're home!)  
****The blond and redhead walked inside, but when no answer came they got a little curious. Sasori walked over to the small table in the kitchen and picked up a piece of paper that was resting on it, more than likely a note from his friend.**

"**Sasori, Ja uehal, chtoby vyjti s Hidan, dolzhen byt' doma cherez neskol'ko chasov. ili vozmozhno ne nedo zavtra! - Kakuzu" (Sasori, I left to go out with Hidan, should be home in a few hours. or maybe not until tomorrow! - Kakuzu)**

"**Who is Hidan?" He asked himself before crumbling up the paper and tossing it aside.**

**# # # #**

**Kakuzu stood outside of the cheap restaurant, waiting on his date to arrive. After a few minutes waiting she walked up, took him by the arm, and led him inside.**

"**Damn, you like to take charge don't you?" He asked as she sat them down.**

"**You don't have problem, da?" She asked as the waiter walked up.**

"**Privyet, what'll it be to drink?" he asked while handing them menus.**

"**I'll just have a water, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, Kakuzu shrugging.**

"**Bring me a beer." He replied, the waiter nodding before walking away.**

"**So, you are looking nice." Kakuzu said, Hidan smiling in response.**

"**You look good too, if we didn't have to finish this date first I'd take you under this table and-"**

"**Alright, one beer, one water, ready to order?" The waiter asked, cutting off Hidan just when Kakuzu was getting turned on.**

"**Da, I'll have the cod." Hidan said, acting as if her little explanation hadn't happened.**

"**Da, and I'll have the pork." Kakuzu said before the waiter walked back off. **

"**So…do what under the table?" Kakuzu asked, Hidan only flashing him a quick seductive smirk and wink as a reply.**

"**So…do you do anything?" Kakuzu asked, Hidan sighing and leaning back.**

"**Da, da, I work at furniture store, it pretty much sucks." She said before taking a sip of her water. "What about you, what do you do tovarish?"**

"**I'm a hunter, you've probably eaten my work before." He said, getting a small chuckle in response.**

"**Maybe, I'd love to have your meat in my mouth again sometime though." She replied, Kakuzu starting to do a tomato impression as the waiter came back.**

"**Cod for you, and pork for you, enjoy." He said, placing the plates in front of their owners and walking away. Hidan sat and ate her cod, Kakuzu taking a second before starting on his pork. They ate without talking too much, each wanting out of there fast so they could go home and get the dead done!**

"**Finished!" Hidan said, staring down Kakuzu as he continued his assault on the meat. He finished quickly, tossed some money on the table, and the two ran out that restaurant and back to Hidan's like Hell's Angels were chasing em' down themselves.**

**# # # #**

"**So do you really want to go to Moscow tovarish? I have no problem, and we could leave whenever you want." Sasori said as they laid in bed together.**

"**Well, I did promise my friend I'd meet them, maybe we could even go tomorrow un!" He said while cuddling into his side. **

"**I could arrange that, I know a guy, but I must tell you tovarish, he is pretty weird." Sasori said before wrapping his arm around him.**

"**Weird how danna? I mean, knowing you and the guys you live around he should be pretty weird un." Deidara replied, half-jokingly.**

"**He has a… an odd fetish. He likes to smell people. He is also very annoying, childish, and obsessive. Try to stay away from him please, let me take care of it." Sasori replied.**

**Deidara half wanted to reply, but really couldn't think of anything to say. This really sounded like the type of guy that would annoy him to no end.**

"**So, what's his name un?" He asked, not really because he cared, more just to here his danna talk.**

"**Madara tovarish. But that doesn't matter." He said before flipping them over so he was on top of the blond.**

"**Danna! We just did it like, fifteen minutes ago un!" Deidara protested as his danna's hand glided down his chest.**

"**So? Maybe I could just pleasure you." He said before slipping down under the covers, licking as he went lower.**

"**Danna un…I guess you could…" Deidara moaned as he felt Sasori take his cock out and start stroking. The Russian gave no reply, only went from stroking to licking, one hand playing with his balls and the other sliding back up his chest and starting to play with his nipple.  
**"**D-Danna un…" Deidara moaned, realizing he was already getting close to his point. After all, it's only been fifteen minutes since the last time he came, it wasn't gonna last too long. "Ahh...Sasori-no-danna un!!"  
****Deidara finished onto his master's face and laid back panting. Sasori crawled back up, planted a small kiss on him, and they both went to sleep.**

**# # # #**

**a/n - I think my Russian got better...but probably not.**


End file.
